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July 26, 2011

Death is rather constantly on my mind, so I often find myself visiting people due to fear of one of us not being around much longer.  Tonight I was thinking about my highly independent grandma and how she’s handling her transition to “old”.  It’s very interesting to see, as certain things – such as what you eat and your weight, you’d hope one day you’d be able to not really care about anymore.  But, my grandmother has always maintained that you always care.  Lately I’ve also become keenly aware of how much we need to feel needed. My grandmother has seven children, 20 grandchildren and 5 great grandchildren thus far and she is set on being as actively involved in her great grandchildren’s lives as she was her own children.

My thoughts turned to all these genealogy records my grandma has and how much will be lost with her.  It’s a very, very sad thought.  I decided to bike over to her house to check out some of the old photos (the particular album I went into was from the 1920’s — which made me feel very sad for all my great grandmother had to endure, but that is another story) and discuss the genealogy records a bit.  I know of at least two relatives who are in to genealogy and keep their own records (a 1st cousin once removed and a 2nd cousin once removed), but I don’t think anyone has any where near the depth of history my grandmother has spent half a life researching.  I don’t want that all to die with her.  I don’t want her to die at all.  But I know this life is transient.  I know none of us can possibly stay and, perhaps, there is something that comes after this that will clarify this really odd trip we’re all on.

I don’t know. I do know right now my grandmother and grandfather are very much alive and for that I am very much grateful.


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