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Gotta get one in for June….

June 30, 2011

Okay, so I’ve been a very naughty blogster.  Or, rather,  very delinquent.  So, I am going to put forth various ramblings from today as well as whatever notebook I happen to be skimming through.  To kick it off, let’s going with some ramblings from 11 May 2010.  It was a journal kept for my painting class in which we were suppose to read sections from this Hawthorne book and write our thoughts.  This was the last entry and, as I didn’t actually read the book, my approach was the scan, picking out phrases I liked and then writing my thoughts.  So, without further ado….

 

” “Knowledge will come to you unknowingly” p. 89

– What a great line for life in general.  We’re on the path, so we can’t get an aerial view of where we’re going or where we’ve been; of what’s coming next.  We are constantly having experiences and constantly gaining awareness as we are moving toward something.

…All this on painters truly seeing, it makes sense that painters are often more sensitive beings.  And why artist’s seem a bit “off”.  When you live in a conformist culture, to be an individual is almost a sin.  To truly see and to truly feel and to be honest with oneself appear to go against conformist culture and the great many fear and ridicule such, because they do not want to have to face the reality that they do not truly see.

It always causes me great distress to take my long DC walks during rush hour.  As I walk at a leisurely pace, soaking in my natural surroundings, cars sit in bumper to bumper, tension mounting, frustration exploding out every pore.  It is so very unfortunate.  I know people need to work to live – but, I just wish it could be simpler.  I wish there was more emphasis on the good rather than the time when one speaks of making good time.  I wish the scale hung lower on the life side in the work/life balance.  But, that is an individual’s choice.  We can only ‘save’ ourselves.  We can offer others guidance, but in the end, we are our own saviors.  This is something I must keep reminding myself.

“As long as one is simple and childlike and humble, one progresses.  Keep this point of view and there is no limit.” p. 91

– I feel a great deal of this writing on painting and seeing color can cross over to lessons on life.  Keep it simple.  Keep the awe and humility of a child.  Are those not rules to live by?

There is a reason young children make us break out into smile just looking at them.  The innocence, yes, but more so that exuberance for life, that the years slowly, but surely, strip us of, is so fresh and stunning.

I suffer terribly from deep sadness, occasionally turning to depression.  I love too quickly and break too easily.  I am constantly drowning in the human drama – but, in between, I find myself with Trust and Awareness.  Truly feeling the Universal connection of it all. At these intervals – usually only lasting moments – I yet again feel that joie de vivre of childhood.  I feel the hope and possibility.  And as Harvey Milk said, Without hope life is not worth living.

There is so much beauty in the world – in everything.  There is the obvious beauty, but if we can keep our eyes open and if we can keep a positive check on our cognitive process, we will truly see the beauty in everything we lay our eyes on.  And, I believe, in seeing all the beauty out there – in the environment but also in people – and feeling our connection with all of it, we can feel that rush of life – of exuberance – and hope flooding in.

Perhaps death is a returning to the joy we came from. For we do start off joyful, some can find a joy in life before their death, but most turn bitter and die at their least joyful.  (Present day add in: perhaps I was a bit too extreme here?? ha)

As someone whose heart is so gripped by sadness, I find it quite ironic my middle name is Joy.  But, I do find fortune in the great depths of emotion I am able to experience.  Because I feel such depth, I can experience joy and beauty at extraordinary depth.  And, yes, pain is the price for that – but joy is also the price of pain.” – Whitney Joy Howard, 11 May 2010

– This painting professor told me I was a philosopher.  “You.” she said, “Are a philosopher.”  The mad ones always are.

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