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Blog “Vaca”

December 1, 2010

Two weeks left until the semester is over!!  Unfortunately there is MUCH to do in this short period of time.  And I am already behind.  I have had very little free time as of late and haven’t been able to write anywhere near as much as I would like.  To make sure I finish up my semester on my feet and above water, I am going to have to do something I said I wouldn’t: put school before my blog 😦  Yes, I totally feel like a cope out and yes I totally hate it.  But I also need to get through this program so I can fully focus on my writing and make a living off of it.  So, my blog is officially taking a two week vacation.  There is the possibility that the muse’s will flow and I will post from time to time between now and 15 December, but if I do it will be brief.

Before vaca (meaning, before I get back to writing a paper that is already past due), I just want to share some thoughts on Thanksgiving.

This past Thanksgiving I undertook more cooking but managed to drop the anxiety.  I do not use anxiety here as in stress — I like functioning at a ‘much-to-do’ pace (outside of academia) and find difficulty just sitting still.  So, usually, on the holidays or whenever I am a chef I am running all over the place and doing eight billion things at once and just on high alert.  But this Thanksgiving I managed to do everything in timely fashion and one at a time and still had time to sit and play cards with Jacqui while waiting to go over to Aunt Jane’s.  It was very relaxed and I was surprisingly fine with it.

As Jacqui and I were finishing up our spit game from the night before, we started discussing Thanksgiving.  It is a very odd holiday to me and as I sat there talking with Jacqui — our views reinforcing one another — I started getting more and more disturbed by the holiday.  It’s just so blatantly all that is wrong with our society and makes me so upset I want to vomit.  We completely disregard what we did to the Native Americans (used them for their knowledge, turned around a few months later and massacred those very people we sat sharing “the first Thanksgiving meal”, drove them off their land, continuously forced them into signing absurd treaties promising to uphold the terms of the treaties then, sometimes in a matter of weeks completely breaking the treaties and killing the Native Americans.  Asserting our ‘superiority’ on the ‘savages’ as they tried to co-exist with us.  The Native Americans tried compromise, tried communication, tried peacefulness — we lied, deceived, raped and murdered.  Yet do we teach our children this?  No, we teach them that we shared, helped one another and all sat down in peacefulness.  And that is what we celebrate.  Not continuously forcing the Native Americans off their land — land that they deemed extremely sacred and very tied to — land that was not the same from one area to the next — and you have people like my grandmother saying: Well, if they would just cooperate, just conform their lives would be so much better!  Why don’t they realize this.  Right, assimilate to our view of right on your land or die — or, in many cases, assimilate and then still die), we speak in terms of ‘thankfulness’ as we stuff ourselves rotten, waste so much food, get drunk and pass out in our warm homes in front of the flat screen watching men in tights bash one another across 100 yards of astro turf (okay, yes I love that part).  All the while millions — both in U.S. and in our global community of humanhood — do not have adequate food, clothing, shelter, water….

Jacqui and I spoke of how difficult the day must be to all the poor in America or all the familyless.  Yet again being reminded of their ‘failure’ in life.  Knowing that millions are gathering around an overflowing table of riches, while the poorest among us are doing their best to scrap together some kind of Thanksgiving meal for their children because the culture demands the excess.  All the homeless and familyless vets gathering for the VA Thanksgiving meal.  All the homeless gathering at shelters where there are those aware enough and kind enough to work and serve this most vulnerable population.

The lack of awareness as to the reality behind Thanksgiving, and the overall lack of real thankfulness breaks my heart and….I don’t know.  I’m just not a fan of the way I see Thanksgiving being celebrated.  And I don’t want to take Thanksgiving away from anyone, as we all have our own perspectives — I just do not find it a holiday I can partake in, in the same fashion any longer.  Same goes for Christmas.  The thought of all those with nothing or next to nothing — all those parents broken-hearted over yet again having to disappoint their children as their children know the kind of things other children in our grossly materialistic culture awake to on Christmas morning.  And the feelings of entitlement and the anger I know those in my life get….the excess and the desire and wantingness of materialistic crap that can only fill that void for a very, very small amount of time before the desire and wanting comes back.  Yet we keep working to fill it with materialistic ‘stuff’.  God, I just hate it.  And I am a part of it and I don’t know how to rid myself of it.  As I cannot secede from this society — or world — well, I guess there is one way…I am always going to be a part of it.  I don’t know how to deal with that.  I do know I would like to carve out a different existence for myself and whoever may come from me.

When I think of the things I am most thankful for, none of them have a price tag.  And when I think of the things I most want for my life — still, no price tag.  Perhaps it’s time to start asking ourselves for these things and start taking the actions toward living the life we most desire.  Stuff just weighs us down and I know I have always been a fan of flying….

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